Why are some people extremely competitive while others are so chill?

If you’ve ever been on the sidelines at an under-12’s team sport, you will know that some children are fiercely competitive, while others are there simply to socialise.

In the workplace, two colleagues might respond differently to the same piece of feedback, where one will go into overdrive to prove themselves, while the other will easily move on.

And we all know what happens on family Monopoly nights. It’s the ultimate reminder that competitiveness can test even the closest relationships.

Being more or less competitive has advantages and disadvantages, and these depend entirely on the context. But what actually shapes these differences in how competitive we are, and can we choose to change?

What exactly is competitiveness?

Competitiveness is more than just wanting to win. It is a complex tendency to strive to outperform others, and evaluate success by comparing ourselves to those around us. People may enjoy aspects of being competitive, with satisfaction coming from both the effort involved, and from performing well.

Competitive behaviour may be related to motivation for self improvement as well as individual achievement. If we’re highly motivated to win, improve performance and evaluate ourselves in comparison to others, we may be more prone to be highly competitive.

From an evolutionary perspective it has also helped us to survive. As a social species, our competitiveness can allow us to gain resources, status and, importantly, relationships.

The personality traits of extraversion and conscientiousness have been found to be higher among individuals who are more competitive. These traits are related to goal-directed striving, persistence and assertiveness – all integral when it comes to competitiveness.

So, we may be predisposed to be competitive based on personality traits. To some extent, personality traits are determined by genetics.

However, it’s not just down to biology alone. The intensity of competitiveness is also intertwined with our environment.

Your culture has an impact on how competitive you are

Competitive families, classrooms or workplaces can intensify competitive feelings, while more cooperative settings can reduce them.

For instance, research has found that higher parental involvement and expectations can positively influence academic achievement, but also may make children more competitive.

Competitiveness is also interpreted and expressed differently across cultures. Traditionally individualistic cultures may be more outwardly competitive, while collectivist cultures may be more indirectly competitive in an effort to preserve group cohesion.

If you’re being indirectly competitive, this might manifest as withholding useful information from others, comparing yourself to others a lot, or closely watching the success of your peers.

Can we measure competitiveness?

Research suggests competitiveness is multifaceted, and different measures emphasise different psychological processes.

While there are several questionnaires available that measure someone’s level of competitiveness, there’s still debate around what underlying dimensions these measures should capture.

For example, a 2014 study developed a measure that involved four dimensions: general competitiveness, dominance, competitive affectivity (how much the person enjoys competing), and personal enhancement.

In addition, another attempt to measure competitiveness published in 2018 found that enjoyment of competition (motivation and perceived value), and conscientiousness (being assertive) were the most important dimensions to measure.

All this shows that competitiveness is not a single trait. Instead, it’s a cluster of related motivations and behaviours.

What are the pros and cons of being highly competitive?

Being more competitive is related to benefits such as high performance, motivation and achievement. However, there are also costs.

Studies suggest that if individuals are more focused on their social rank, and rank themselves unfavourably, they may be more likely to experience symptoms of depression and anxiety. In fact, one process of competitiveness – social comparison – has been consistently linked to poor mental health outcomes.

Competitiveness in schools has also been found to be related to increased stress and anxiety.

In the context of individual performance, competing against a higher performer may enhance performance, according to a study where participants were asked to perform a neurocognitive test. However, cooperation, even with a lower-performing partner, was associated with equal levels of achievement.

What’s more, this study found that competition was associated with increased physiological arousal and stress, while cooperation was not.

Is it possible to become less competitive?

While there are some personality traits we might not have control over, we can change some aspects of our competitiveness.

Behaving in a more pro-social way – through greater cooperation, sharing and helping – may reduce your competitiveness.

Additionally, revisiting the ways in which we evaluate and relate to ourselves may contribute to developing a more balanced and adaptive relationship to competitiveness. Acceptance and commitment therapy and compassion-focused therapy can be helpful in supporting these changes.

Ultimately, the research in this space is complex and there is more to learn. While a moderate level of competitiveness can be beneficial, it’s important to balance the cost. Think about your goals – are you in it to win at all costs? Or to do your best and make friends?